Sa Vegas man o sa kwarto..

This Vegas thing is a premeditated one. January pa lang naka-plano na. Nasa SFO pa kami nag-book na agad si Misis Tikboy ng hotel. Then a few weeks later I booked a flight for us. We really wanted to travel around the US. If we could afford it, we would travel to Europe and even try to go to Mexico on a cruise ship. Sabi ko nga, isa-isa lang muna. Darating din kami dun.

So, in two weeks time we're going to be in Vegas. When my friends here (relatives of my patients) heard that I am going to Vegas they asked me if I knew how to gamble. I said I don't even know how to play cards. They wanted to teach me Black Jack so that I could play in Vegas. I told them I'm only interested with the slot machines and the shows in Vegas (hindi ko na nga sinabi kung ano talaga ang purpose ng pagpunta ko ng Vegas.. hehehe!).

I just wanted to be with Misis Tikboy. It's different when we're apart. There's a void in me when she's not around. Nung niloloko nga niya ako na wala akong urbanidad dahil hindi ako pamilyar sa kwento ng Phantom of the Opera, ngumiti lang ako. Baka daw kasi hindi ko naman gusto manood. Hehehe! Susme!

Masarap mamasyal dito sa Amerika KUNG sa pamamasyal mo, kasama mo ang taong mahal mo. I realized that when I tried going to places here alone - without Misis Tikboy. It's different. Hindi siya exciting, hindi ako nag-enjoy.

Kasi nagiging espesyal lang ang isang karanasan kung bahagi nun ang taong mahal mo. Kahit sa pinaka-simpleng lugar pa kayo magpunta, kahit tumambay lang kayo sa kung saang sulok, basta kasama mo siya - doon siya nagiging makabuluhan.

Kaya Misis Tikboy, kahit magkulong lang tayo sa kwarto magiging espesyal pa rin sa akin ang lahat dahil ikaw ang kasama ko. ;)

Planning Vegas

In two weeks time, me and Tikboy will be flying to Vegas....how exciting!!!! We have started making our plans/itinerary. First, we have decided to watch Phantom of the Opera, yey! yey! College pa kaya ako, intrigang intriga na ako sa musical plays especially this one. I've grown to like it. I know the songs and the story - Tikboy doesn't so hopefully she'll enjoy. We got a very good deal with the tickets and the seats kaya mega clap my hands ako kanina, hahahaha!

Haaaay, can't wait! I've been too stressed at work lately that I am looking forward to this vacation.

I need to relax with my Tikboy....

Minor setback

Sabi nga nila, when it rains, it pours.

Last night was one hell of a night for me. It was the last stretch of my five-day duty. I was looking forward for a break where I could relax and unwind, mag-recharge lang ba ng baterya. Sabi nga ni Idha pagkatapos ng endorsement, para daw akong lantang gulay. Nakatulala kasi ako pagdating ko ng 808. I just smiled. I couldn't tell her that I got a double blast. One from Misis Tikboy and the other one from my Dad.

All is well with me and Misis Tikboy. We talked before I went out today. Told him about the situation in the Philippines and she told me, "Welcome to my world." Napaiyak ako sa sobrang inis.. ayoko kasi na pinangungunahan ako. Damay pala ako sa naging desisyon nila, bakit di ako kinonsulta?

I was trying to recover from the horror of last night when I went here at the library. I was hoping to clear my head and have a good internet access. The result of my exam will be out today at 5PM PST. So, while waiting for Misis Tikboy to leave the house and drive to work I checked out the website. The unofficial results are out. Kumabog ang dibdib ko. Kung may heart rate monitor lang akong suot siguradong papalo 'yun sa mataas na heart rate. I typed in my ID and saw the result. I passed one part of the test, I failed in two.

Hmmmm.. so it comes in 3's.

Sabi ni Misis Tikboy, minor setback lang 'to. I can retake the other two components of the exam whenever I want. Wag daw ako magmadali. Ngayon daw alam ko na ang style.

Pero ang sakit. This is the first time that I actually failed in an exam. Hindi pa ako bumagsak sa kahit na anong exam. Ngayon lang.

This isn't easy for me.

Sex and the City Moment

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous. - Carrie

Red spots

Conflicting emotions. Passion. Love. Violence. War.

I have red spots in my face right now. Close to being a wound. It happens when I am stressed, angry, or whatever negative emotion I am feeling. And I thought I could rest. I was hoping I could recharge. I'm tired.

I wish I could just float in total darkness.

Ah, colors and symbols.

Me as T-Mobile tech rep?

I called up the T-Mobile Tech Care Team because I was having problems connecting to my T-Mobile account on my Blackberry as well as accessing the internet using my phone as a modem. Clayton from the Blackberry technical support answered my call and we were on the phone for more than twenty minutes. The first problem that I asked him to solve is the error message that I keep on getting whenever I access the myT-Mobile account page in my Blackberry. So, he gave me a run through of how it works. He grabbed a Blackberry and simultaneously we tried to access the page. We both got an error. Then I told him that Google on my phone works just right. So, he tried it. It worked. It took him about ten minutes to figure out what's wrong. The answer was plain simple: take out the battery without powering off the phone to refresh the system. After a few minutes, my phone went back to life and I tried out the page. It worked! So, I told him that it was his turn to hold and wait until I try it out - to connect to the internet using my phone as a laptop modem. He patiently waited. We were happily exchanging tekkie stuff when he told me he was just impressed with maximizing my Blackberry's potential. I told him that this is one of my passion. I even told him about my experience at Sheraton Oman where I was able to access the internet without the knowledge of the system administrator. He was laughing out loud and asked me if I got arrested or I was offered a job. I told him I was offered a job. He even asked me if I wanted to join T-Mobile or Blackberry Tech Team. I told him, if the price is right, why not? Hahahaha!

Ah, the joys of being makulit and being a tekkie. Now I am posting again using my Blackberry.

Yes! Mwahahahaha! I am a genius.. hekhekhek!

Homesick

I've been asked by many people if I do feel like going home. I said a lot of times that NO. I don't want to go home. For me, this is home. Close to Misis Tikboy. She is home.

Today, one of my co-workers quit the job. She said she misses her family back in the Philippines. She's been for only a week and she couldn't stand it. I don't blame her. I've been in that situation once, not so many years ago, when I was in Oman. I couldn't bear to be away from Misis Tikboy. After two weeks there I decided to go home. The repercussion of that decision trickled down. And we've suffered the consequences.

I am just glad that I am here. Close to being home.

23 hours

Just another 23 hours and then I am off from work. Hah! I never knew I would ask a break from work. I have never done this in the Philippines. I always get excited when I go to work. Something new to discover, something new to deliver. Something new to learn. Work for me is discovery.

But I am on a different field now. I have the same perspective but I don't know why it gets to my nerves now. Then it hit me - it's because I am at work almost 24 hours a day - in the same environment.

Usually my work routine in the Philippines is 8-12 hours of work a day and then I go home and stay in the comfort of my bed. It's different now. And that is the reason why I am getting grumpy. I noticed that I lose my patience a lot the past few days.

I sent a message to my Dad telling him of how I felt and what I did to counter it. Then I told him Iba na talaga ang magaling Dad, kung saan-saan ka ibinabato dahil alam na kaya mo ang trabaho. He just texted back Aba e di congrats sa CHOICE OF ACTION MO. You are near Enlightenment = choosing what happens when it happens = FULL ACCEPTANCE. Memory retains but no Pain.

This is why I love my Dad although I seldom tell him that I do. It just amazes me that since I came here in the States he tells me I love you and I answer back, on the phone. Feels creepy since I am not used to it. But just the same, I can get used to it.

Susme, praning na yata ako!

I wasn't prepared for this. I was reassigned at the last minute here at Newman. Although I've been here before it wasn't quite the same. This is my first day, last night was my first night. It was okay last night. But when the day started, all seems to be in a bit of haywire. Harry woke us up asking for pain pills at five in the morning. Mary Ann kept on screaming for help only to find out that what she really wants is for me to reassure her that everything is okay. She kept on asking me to tell her what's going on. I was pissed off. My patience was running out, I was raising my voice.

I wasn't feeling very good. Since last night I've been having chest pains even when I was sleeping. It's funny that I feel so tired because I just came from a two days off. I don't know. When Misis Tikboy called me this afternoon I told her about my experience today. Sabi niya wala daw kasi akong background sa medical field kaya ganito, stressed out ako. Hindi daw ako pwedeng mag-trabaho kasama under niya dahil baka saluhin lang niya ang trabaho ko. Ngek!

Haaay.. four more days before I take a break from this environment. Iniisip ko na lang kailangan ko ng panggastos sa Vegas para hindi ako mabuset!

Haircut at Regis

While waiting for the bus. It was 50 degrees and windy outside at 11:40 in the morning. Thought it was going to rain but it was just cloudy.

After my haircut at Regis Salon. Sa wakas mukha na naman akong tao! Hehehehe!

Finally had my haircut today at Regis Salon Serramonte. I can't get used to the fact that a haircut in here costs 30 bucks at the least! Susme! But it felt good. At least I don't look like Wolverine anymore. Hehehehe!

Bought some stuff too. A data cable for my Blackberry since I wanted to try configuring my phone into becoming a modem for my laptop. Ang hirap kasi kumuha ng signal sa kabilang bahay! Laging napuputol. Since I am subscribed to unlimited web and messaging, I might as well make the most out of it. At 85 bucks a month, I should make the most out of it!

Went to Macy's and hovered around the perfume section, got a glimpse of CK Euphoria.
Liked the scent but liked the Intense version better. I was looking for a traveler size bottle but couldn't find any. I was talking to Misis Tikboy while I was at the mall. Sabi nga niya para din daw kaming magkasama. Hehehe.. when I saw Perfumania, she urged me to go inside and look for the CK Euphoria. What I saw was my old scent, CK Contradiction.
It was on sale so I ended up buying it. Hehehe! Lakas ng impluwensiya sa akin ni Misis eh! Kung bags ang hilig ni Misis, ako naman pabango! Hehehehe!

Went home early, di ko kasi kasama si Misis Tikboy kaya hindi ko makayang maglamyerda sa mall ng matagalan. Pag nabili ko na ang gusto ko, umuuwi agad ako.

Haaaay.. I miss you Misis Tikboy..

This Makes My Day

Simply beautiful..

Ahhhhh... you make me smile everytime... Paano mo ba naman hindi mamahalin itong si Tikboy ko? She does the most absurd things in such a romantic way... Kiss me bebe!

Langib

Nung bata pa ako, iniingatan ko kapag may sugat ako.... lalo na pag pagaling na sya. Iniingatan ko na hindi sya matamaan. Lahat ng pag pro-protekta ginagawa ko para hindi sya magalaw. Ayoko na kasi maranasan yung sakit nung bago pa sya. Kaso syempre, minsan hindi mo maiwasan na mabunggo sya...bigla kang mapapa-aray...dumudugo na naman pala sya... nawala na naman yung "langib". Mapapa-aray ka. Sariwa na naman.

Napakatagal mong ginamot at iningat-ingatan. Gusto mo na kasing gumaling eh. Tapos sa isang iglap, balik ka na naman sa umpisa. Gagamutin mo na naman at pro-protektahan. Pilit na papagalingin.

Aasa na sana hindi na ulit ito mabunggo at magdugo.

Twenty years ago

On this very same date twenty years ago, me and Misis Tikboy became lovers (naks!). We were in high school then. It wasn't easy for me. The first time I told her that I love her, she turned me down and said I am too young for her. It was hard but I accepted it. But, much to our surprise, we became even closer. A month after the pambabasted, naging kami rin. Hehehe!

When I look back, napapangiti ako. Sobrang torpe ko pa nun, sobrang bait din. Ni hindi nga kami nag-kiss. Ehek! If I could turn back the time, I would be bold enough to do the things I kept in my mind.

Ngayon nga, pag nag-uusap kami lagi namin nako-conclude na pwedeng pang teleserye o telenovela ang kwento ng buhay namin. Siguradong papatok! Twenty years in the making ba naman eh.

Haaaay.. marami nang nangyari. Marami na rin nagbago. Pero iisa lang ang hindi nagbabago. 'Yung pagmamahal ko kay Misis Tikboy, ni minsan hindi siya nawala. Kahit ilang taon pa ang magdaan, di siya mawawala.

Happy anniversary Mahal.. I love you..

After the Big E: Two days off!

Finally, I am going to take a two-day off. I've been so stressed the past few weeks. I am just glad that yesterday is over and done with. What happens next, happens. Tito Mar took this picture using his phone yesterday morning before I went inside Westmoor High School. I forced a smile. Hindi naman halata di ba?

Four hours later, Tito Mar and Tita Minda picked me up and we went to Goldilocks in Westborough to eat lunch. Kwento dito, kwento diyan. She will be going to the Philippines next week since it's Lolo Bert's 75th birthday.

After eating at Goldilocks Tita Minda suggested that we cross the Golden Gate and take pictures there. She's like a tourist guide! She did that too while I was in New Jersey/New York last year.

Tito Mar was taking Tita Minda's picture.. I took their picture. Sweet! Hehehe..

I need a haircut!

Say I love you... with tulips.

I know this is not the usual stuff that I pull out of my sleeve..but here it goes...

I want to make you smile by doing something unexpected.

Happy Birthday Misis Tikboy. I miss you like crazy.

I love you - Mister Tikboy ;)

My Tikboy sent me 2 dozen tulips at work today. It's our birthday. Sosyal ang bruha, hahahaha! O di ba... this is the second time she sent me flowers. The last one was when we were in high school. It's not typical of her to send me one. I don't know. I think because she is more of a type of person who would give me things that I would need and use, instead of flowers.

I love them... romantic ang dating, yihiiiii! I am the envy of my co-workers right now.

Thank you Mahal. I love you too.

Amoy lupa

I was talking to Dan's parents this afternoon.They came by to visit. Bob, the dad is really a joker. He likes to fool around and make fun of me. He mess with me a lot and I fight back. The wife loves me because I can carry a joke or two and she appreciates what I am doing for their son. They were playing cards when they engaged me in a conversation. We were talking about Ken, and somehow we got into the topic of age. When I told them that I am 35 and Jc is 25, they couldn't believe it. Even Dan commented that I couldn't be 35. Out of nowhere Bob said that he couldn't marry me now because I'm just a kid! He said that in front of his wife. Dan's mom said that Bob is going to divorce her and then winked at me. These people make my life here a little bit easier. It's good to talk to them once in a while.

I told Misis Tikboy about it while she was driving on her way to work. Tawa siya ng tawa! Hanep daw ang mga nagkakagusto sa akin. Matatanda! 80 something na kasi! Hahahaha! Susme! Kung alam lang daw niya na gusto ko ng matandang mayaman at madaling mamatay, noon pa sana!

Nyaiks.. amoy lupa! Hehehe..

3 months

I was on my way to the bathroom to have my shower when I was intercepted by Ed, he was being visited by his family because he'll be having an operation at six fifteen in the morning tomorrow.

Ed: Hey Dick, BG here is a school teacher in the Philippines.
Dick: Yeah Dad, I talked to her a few days ago and she's going to take the exam this Saturday. So, BG have you decided what grade level you'd like to teach?
Me: No, I haven't. Your education system here is a bit different.
Dick's wife: So, why have you decided to come here?
Me: Just to visit (Misis Tikboy) and take the exam (eklat)

And so on and so forth. We were talking about almost everything when Dick's wife popped the question:

Dick's wife: So, how long have you been here?
Me: Hmmm.. I got here October 23rd. So, 3 months going 4.
Dick's wife: You've only been here for 3 months and you speak perfect English! Wow..
Me: Thanks.
Ed: BG's a professor and a good cook too!

Susme, kulang na lang interbyuhin ako ng todo ng mag-anak na ito. Buti na lang nagsalita ang asawa ni Ed at naka-eskapo ako. Heto tuloy, tapos na ako mag-shower. Hehehe!

Doubt and self-talk

"Doubt is most often the source of our powerlessness. To doubt is to be faithless, to be without hope or belief. When we doubt, our self-talk sound like this: 'I don't think I can. I don't think I will.' …To doubt is to have faith in the worst possible outcome. It is to believe in the perverseness of the universe, that even if I do well, something I don't know about will get in the way, sabotage me, or get me in the end."
- Blaine Lee

I've been trying to get my mind in sync with my body. People who I barely know believes in what I can do. They think that I am smart, that I am intelligent, that I can do it. And it scares me. I have had people say that to me and I still blush when I hear them say it. I appreciate it though. And I am amazed at how these people can actually say that when they don't really know me.

Misis Tikboy knows me too well. At times I think that she knows me better than myself. She's got so much faith in me and what I can do that it is somewhat overwhelming. And I love her so much for believing in me the way she does. I feel really blessed to have her in my life.

Talk To Me

"Talk to me".

Ayoko na sana kaso mapilit ang matanda. Nung huli ako makausap ng isang tulad nya, nagkatotoo yung mga sinabi. Mahirap na. Baka kako kung ano na naman ang sabihin sa akin. Kaso naudyukan din ako ng iba kong kaibigan..

Pagkapili ko ng baraha, nag-umpisa na sya.

Kumirot ang dibdib ko habang binabasa nya ang mga baraha.... Para akong sinukluban ng itim na ulap. Nag rewind bigla ang buhay ko. Nakita ko ang sarili ko sa 3 years ago.

Na naman. Daig ko pa ang sinampal sa sinabi nya. Tumawa ako. Cover ba sa sakit ng nararamdaman ko....

Hula lang yan, sabi ko sa sarili ko. Kaya nga hula ang tawag eh. Hindi sigurado.

Hula nga lang.. pero bakit hanggang ngayon, may kirot pa rin dito sa puso ko?